It is an open secret that I have acquired a turntable and turned my system to a vinyl only. Yes, I have done the ultimate – LP only. Silly? Smart? Lost? Brave? Call me what you like but back in the late 70s I once graduated from cassettes to vinyl. Its déjà vu and in it again, doing it all over again.

• Do you visit your favorite LP hangout regularly even though you have no intention of buying (but still end up buying)?
   
• Do you do an odd sniff inside of the LP jacket?
   
• Do you pick up your rare collectable, pull out the vinyl, admire the mint shine, and put it back?

If you know what I mean, you have the disease. “LP sickness” is coined by one of my favorite pushers who dispenses drugs which does not cure – you just keep coming back for more. She claims there are patients (customers) who visit her store every day. I reply I am not that sick but her wicked smile appears to be saying - just wait and see. I am not about to challenge her authority after all she has the medicine.

If LP is not Long Play, it could better stand for Lost Paradise, Last Print for Lunatic Patient? Yes, the Lost People of a lost tribe who think they know the truth. But truth is never universal. So, these old fashioned, oldies (senior citizens?) also do extreme things. In this absolute age of technology, compactness is the only acceptable design and space commands a premium and faster, better, more for the ever hungry and impatient.

On the other side, lost folks return to the ancient where dirt (as long as its removable) is a norm, lesser playtime is not bothered, troublesome is enjoyable, shelf space could be bought and technology is for reviewers.

I love scotch whiskey and love them on the rocks. I know there are Red label and the pricier Black label. Recently, I had my first taste of the supreme, super expensive Blue label. I was told it is more than two times the price of a black label.

Was it any good?

Well, at that price point, my comments are irrelevant. Something as rare, equally premium, well sort after and no less expensive is LP on white label or promotional copy. White label to LP fans is quite special. It represents the first few, rarely played and probably (debatable) the better sounding version. It is illegal to sell promo copies but since the supposedly demise of LP, I am not sure if such activities would even raise an eye brown now. One thing I do know, it is absolutely lawful and lustful to own them.

One other trait of playing LPs I picked up quickly is LP grading. Like the English language, there is no one standard, just close enough. At the bottom of the scale is the very wrongly coded VG+. Perhaps, the real meaning of VG+ is not very good for your stylus. At the top of the table of course is SS or sealed copy – the type that would make your hands tremble when holding.  But sealed copy can still be tricky.

How come? Well, it is so precious that you may never want to open it. Drawing from my purchase experiences, except SS, everything else is a rule of thumb or a touch of luck. Most sellers cannot afford to grade by listening. Some sellers grade conservatively and some the opposite for obvious business interest. I have copies of VG+ that excelled to be M- (or near mint) and M- that turned out to be VG++.

But one thing for sure, buyers and sellers in the virtual world count on reputation. And this is sure goodwill they cannot loosely grade.

I am not about to tell you where to find your LPs. I think you know where the drug stores are if you are sick. Even though there are thousands and thousands of old records out there (where?) and signs (not only talks) on a vinyl revival, temptations and a sense of “while stock last” set in whenever you see one you like. LP is beyond the musical content, it stretches to the cover art, the inserts, the readable lyrics and the sweet memory when you first pick it up all those years ago. Call me an old fart if you like but this oldie is not home alone.